Dear Saint Valentine...

Well it’s ‘that’ time of the year again. Let’s face it, it’s been ‘that’ time of year ever since Santa delivered his last present and settled down to a cup of hot cocoa with the Easter Bunny (it happens!)

I’m convinced that at 0.01am on Boxing Day morning, the shops were full of Valentine’s’ elves, dispersing helium into a variety of heart and cupid-shaped balloons, covering the shelves with cards of every variety and size, and increasing the cost of flowers by 200%.

So by the time we reach February 14^th, surely we’re tired of hearing about it? Well if you are, please bare with me, I’m not sponsored by Interflora.

I hope you’ll be proud of me as there’s been some research going into this week’s musings. This isn’t just a veritable outpouring of my thoughts and feelings on the subject - I know how you enjoy my verbal diarrhoea, but this week at least it will be slightly better informed.

I had always believed Valentine’s Day was merely another commercially exploitative event, designed to make money for card shops, florists, choclatiers (is that a word?!), restaurateurs and condom manufacturers the world over. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m necessarily wrong, but there is some history that it’s worth knowing just to help soften the blow a little.

Valentine’s Day shockingly doesn’t date back to 1968 (the year Clinton Cards was founded), it goes back as far as 249 AD, which makes it (and bare with my maths here) 1,764 years old (that’s even older than Bruce Forsyth!)

They say (and I don’t know in this context who ‘they’ actually are, but I’m quoting Wikipedia, which I trust these days more than my own education) that Saint Valentine was a third century Roman priest. The poor lad was imprisoned and eventually executed for marrying soldiers (or should I say ‘officiating over the marriages of soldiers’ – I’m not suggesting he was a gay bigamist who liked men in uniform!)

Apparently at the time there was some emperor, Aurelian (sounds like a lovely chap), who persecuted the church and didn’t want soldiers to marry or priests to minister to Christians. But our hero in this story, plucky old Saint Valentine, continued to do so.

However. He may be our hero, and he may have been a good priest, but he must have been terribly indiscreet, and would never win at Hide and Seek, as he was caught and killed for his actions.

Legend has it (always wanted to have cause to say that) that while in prison, Saint Valentine healed the daughter of his guard, and before he was taken away for execution, he left her a note that read: ‘From your Valentine’.

Ever since then, there has been a celebration of this day. Marking the love he had for this girl.

But it wasn’t till the Middle Ages – those damn Middle Ages, they caused so many problems, what with the plague, barbarians and the pesky ‘Black Death’ – that the event became a romantic celebration.

In fact, its not just the era of the Middle Ages. We can actually pinpoint the blame directly to Chaucer and his cronies – at this point I would like to pledge my historical playwright allegiance to Mr Shakespeare. Big fan.

Apparently Geoffrey and his pals, decided to start expressing their love for the ladies in their lives with hand made cards, flowers and confectionary – which I’m assuming is when Cadbury’s Milk Tray was first invented!

History lesson over – I hope I didn’t lose any of you. I have to say although I feel so much better prepared for an appearance on University Challenge, I was starting to bore myself there a bit.

But what that little trek through the ages has proven to me, is that Valentine’s Day isn’t the curse of the card and gift industry over the past few decades, it’s been here longer than Coronation Street and even Sir David Attenborough.

However. That doesn’t change what it has become.

When you look around you between December 26^th and February 14^th, you can’t help but be bombarded by the subject of love, romance and sappiness.

As part of my new ‘research-based’ approach, I did a quick straw poll on Facebook and Twitter to find out whether I am surrounded by Valentines ‘lovers’ or ‘haters’.

If you haven’t already gathered, I tend to air on the side of ‘hater’, although given the option I may just state indifference. I think I may be in good company too. Aside from one ‘ambivalent’ (great word by the way), a ‘later’, which I’m also putting under the category of ambivalence, I have had just two ‘lovers’ from my respondents.

Clearly there are far more Valentine’s lovers in the world, or there would be far more florists going out of business this Spring. But I have to ask myself, how many of us actually enjoy, look forward to, or even like Valentine’s Day? I would estimate a small percentage of those who make the effort, actually have any interest whatsoever. Often it’s just because we think we should.

My husband and I have never once sent each other a Valentine’s card. Now, I don’t feel that has been in any way detrimental to our relationship. In fact, if he ever did pay the day even the slightest bit of interest, I would have to assume something was very wrong, and I may as well instruct a solicitor.

I have always believed that real romance comes in small packages. Not actual small packages, I’m not a diamond hoarder or anything. I mean those small little things we do every day, that shows we love each other.

It’s the squeeze of the hand when you’re in public when you feel nervous, anxious, upset, or even when something’s making you both laugh inside. It’s the buying of a sausage roll, or an iced bun for each other, when you’re passing the bakers. Just because. The sympathetic ear after a hard day, and the ability to make you smile, however bad things are. Or even the blind eye when you know they’re crying at a film and you don’t want to embarrass them.

Surely it’s the day-to-day that makes love worth it? Not the large teddy bear carrying a love heart, the romantic meal out that you do every year, just once a year, along with what seems to be the rest of the country. I don’t believe the most romantic person in the world is the person who buys the biggest card, or the one who buys the most fireworks for a Valentine’s Day proposal. I don’t think you’re more likely to fall in love cause your Valentine has brought you an expensive handbag or jewellery they can ill-afford. Are you?

Don’t get me wrong, if you’re one of those couples ready to don your best outfits and head out for a romantic meal on Valentine’s, or you have just spent your month’s salary on a big sparkler, ready for the big proposal, please don’t be offended by my cynicism. Have a great time, but while you do, just spare a thought for that old lad Saint Valentine.

The man who is the reason for this day believed in love beyond measure and gave his life for it.

I think if you ask a couple sitting together on their Diamond Wedding Anniversary how they stayed together all those years, they’ll tell you it was hard work at times, there was a lot of compromise, and it’s not all flowers, chocolates and romantic meals out. But I’m sure they’d also tell you that the person they’re with, is the person they’d always want to be sat next to, the person they share everything with, and who will be there at their funniest, saddest and final moments.

So this Valentine’s Day, maybe forget the hype and the commercialism and just let your other half know you care by sitting next to them, and letting them know you plan to sit there for a long time. I think that’s all any of us need to know.

And as I don’t want to end on a soppy note, cause I’m not really that sort of gal’, I will end with some advice. If any of you even consider getting down on one knee in a restaurant this Valentine’s Day, always remember to:

-       Look left and right first

-       Check for elbow room

-       Don’t knock over an unsuspecting waitress

-       And whatever you do, don’t put the ring in her pudding. Major choking hazard.